beach hair.dirty hands.and pink satin dresses.

on the road

2010-08-27T11:59:00.002-04:00

I will be on the road for the next few months...taking pictures and writing about my adventures. This and my P365 blog will be on hiatus in the meantime. I'd love for you to join me where I will be blogging here and where I will be offering prints from the road for sale here.

Happy Fall...my favorite time of year.

people, places, things

2010-08-01T10:33:00.009-04:00

I have a new love for people inside of their places with their things. Making paper with a friend recently, outside on a hot and sunny day - we got caught in a very wet thunderstorm and had to drag all of our 'equipment' into her garage to carry on. Surrounded by her and her husband's stuff I was no longer able to concentrate on the paper because I wanted to know why they had all of these things - which to an untrained eye may be labeled as junk - but were really the story of their lives together. Inspired by the history behind her treasures I began taking pictures in other people's places - when they allowed...thinking one day it could make a fun book. Here are a few...the seeds to something new growing inside me.

2010-07-09T20:34:00.002-04:00

...going through some of my first photos with my digital camera...and liking them more than i remember...i think sometimes i am too hard on myself...this is not bad for a first effort...

bridge

2010-07-08T11:12:00.003-04:00

There is something about this image that I like so much...the barrenness...the possibility of what is on the other side...the hazy light. There is also something missing that I can't put my finger on. I tried converting it to black and white and while I liked the gritty feel that format allowed it also took away from the very slight ethereal quality that I experience when looking at the image as is.

2010-07-05T19:37:00.002-04:00

Ugh! Nothing is working today. I keep going round in circles...10 hours later almost nothing accomplished. It's been a while since I processed a photo so I took this image - a shot taken while in a boat on the CT River...the underside of a bridge - and messed about with it in order to get something inside of me to shift as much as the image did. It always helps to take a break and seek a different perspective.

2010-07-01T20:37:00.002-04:00

Tonight I realized that despite my protests to the contrary, I will miss him when he's gone.

dreaming

2010-06-18T14:47:00.003-04:00

On my last day at the ocean I drove to Misquamicut Beach, RI. It still feels like home to me, and the "beachiest" of the towns I've explored. I stood near the water and daydreamed that this was my house....the sound of the water breaking against the rocks one that would lull me to sleep at night and excite and invigorate me when I was awake. There would be a beautiful guest room filled with fresh flowers for anyone who came to visit. We'd eat breakfast outside at dawn and marvel at the sunset in the evenings... Then a seagull flew by overhead and pooped on my foot, waking me from the fantasy and nudging me back into the reality of life...

rainy beach day

2010-06-12T12:47:00.003-04:00

I feel like a mail carrier in regards to the beach... Rain, snow, sleet, sun...I don't care what the day brings...I'll take the beach any day and weather any storm just to smell the ocean and dig my toes in the sand.

Cat Circus

2010-06-07T12:37:00.003-04:00

Boris treated me to a show while SMC and I sat in her yard and had a beer.

He was very daring.

2010-05-30T22:50:00.002-04:00

play

2010-05-28T16:58:00.004-04:00

if things aren't working...try a new perspective

2010-05-27T20:39:00.000-04:00

it was the most beautiful evening. perfect way to end one chapter.

2010-05-26T19:40:00.001-04:00

go with the flow

2010-05-25T19:49:00.002-04:00

The events of today left me feeling...neutral, which is a definite blessing. I'm ready to close one chapter and begin anew.

2010-05-23T11:51:00.002-04:00

Spent some time yesterday reflecting on the past. You can never go back. All I could hear in my head was the quote from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" ... "Don't let your past dictate who you are, but let it be part of who you will become."

life is a highway

2010-05-20T18:11:00.002-04:00

So many decisions to make...so many roads to choose from...so much potential and possibility. Where did I put the map?

dream

2010-05-08T21:33:00.000-04:00

Love this!

2010-05-02T19:44:00.002-04:00

An artist on RedBubble who I think does amazing illustrations. I particularly think he has a talent for capturing the spirit of the little boy. Check out this image called "and with her came spring" and this one called "balloon2" .

5 random things about me

2010-04-29T19:32:00.005-04:00

I like the picture I've posted because it's about nothing. Sometimes the day to day of life feels like nothing, moving nowhere. Sitting at a red light, lost in thought...I noticed and liked the tone of the blue color on the overpass. There is no other reason for the image than that.

Growing up, I fought my brother for control over the remote every time "Sixteen Candles" came on. When he complained that I already knew the whole movie and it wasn't fair that we had to watch it again I would sit and quote every line throughout the film, just to push his buttons. I didn't like the movie that much, I just liked that he didn't.

I took a marine biology class at a community college just so I could go swim with dolphins. At the end of the semester we all went to Florida and swam with captive and wild dolphins two to three times a day, for a week. It was worth it. I cried on the last bus trip away from the wild dolphins. I never wanted to leave.

I lived in OH in 2nd and 3rd grade. Every day after school I ran to my room to play records on my orange record player. When I was sad I listened to Barry Manilow's, "Can't Smile Without You" and when I was happy it was Shaun Cassidy, randomly it was the "Free To Be You And Me" album. No matter what mood - all music was played at full blast and sung at the top of my lungs.

In my early 20's I sold cars and worked with a man nicknamed J.J. He told me that sometimes "women's lib stuff" irritated him. He'd actually had women he was holding the door open for tell him to stop because they could get it themselves. One day he told someone, "Ma'am, I am not holding the door because of who you are (a woman), I am holding it open because of who I am. It is good human decency to treat each other with respect and I will not let the door slam in any one's face". This story of his has never left me. On a daily basis, when I am making small decisions about how to interact with the people around me, especially the ones who could stand a little door slamming...I remember J.J. and make my choices based on who I want to be, not on who they are.

new direction

2010-04-27T21:35:00.003-04:00

I've been feeling for a while now that I need a new direction for this blog. Any direction. Since it's beginning this has been a bit of an experimental space without any real focus. As I continue to explore photography as a hobby a desire is growing to incorporate it into my life on a more regular basis. I am particularly drawn towards documentary images...and fantasize about travelling the world, shooting in black and white and writing small blurbs to accompany each picture. A friends husband suggested I volunteer for a small newspaper to gain experience. All I know is, this hobby is starting to feel like a calling and I intend to follow the road it leads me down. Can't wait to see what's over the next hill.

2010-04-21T07:22:00.001-04:00

I watched a movie this past weekend about Woodstock. It seems to have temporarily knocked me out of my black and white phase.

2010-04-12T19:38:00.002-04:00

She got lost in the woods. I'll go fetch her soon and force her to write.

2010-04-05T20:59:00.003-04:00

My first walk on 'rails to trails' this Spring. It was about a half hour before sunset. People were out walking with their kids, riding bikes...being pulled along by their dogs. The air was fresh and hazy in its quality. Not yet full with the fragrance of new blooms...it also hasn't completely shaken off the crispness of fallen pine needles and bare trees. Utter peace and restoration.

2010-04-03T22:18:00.000-04:00

today

2010-03-30T21:54:00.001-04:00

Today I am grateful for...your light...that illuminates my darkness.

Home Page Feature

2010-03-27T07:49:00.002-04:00

I am excited to share that one of my images on RedBubble was featured on their home page!!! Very exciting!

Chapter Five

2010-03-18T20:37:00.001-04:00

It hadn’t always been like this. The constant gnawing in her abdomen. Gripping fear that kept her up at night, taunting her with thoughts of a meaningless life. There had been a time of blissful ignorance.

It was hard to discern which urging to follow. Instinct insisted that if a thought did not leave a trail of peace then maybe it was misleading; false. Possible residue of lies sold to us through marketing and advertising media – souls determined to validate our insecurities in order to gain their material wealth? Left over negative ideas from all the different voices of life in general? Her own beliefs of not being good enough…something that needed to be shaken off daily?

As uncomfortable as the thoughts were, she began to wonder if they were that of a higher calling to purpose. A not so gentle nudge to jar her awake. Disquieting in the process, but not harmful.

tree house

2010-03-17T21:40:00.003-04:00

fantastic shadows on this house. caught while stopped at a stop light on the way home from work. these car shots are getting dangerous. i've got my foot jammed down as hard as i can on the break pedal...just to make sure...and then i quickly reach for my camera, whip off the lens cap, roll down the passenger window...twist my body as far as i can over to the opposite side of the car to do my best to get the shot totally out of the window...hit click...and check in my rear view mirror to see if i've pissed anybody off and out the front to see if the light has turned green. phew.

chapter four

2010-03-13T20:17:00.002-05:00

Her call for him had always been lurking in the corner of her mind, acknowledged or not, its thirst would not be satisfied in any other way but through his witness of her. It began to reach beyond boundaries which she could keep contained or quieted with daily or material distractions. This pestering need which she did not understand, was not even fully conscious of yet, was casting shadow and doubt onto the things she used to find comfort in and quietly insisting that the things she’d cast her hope in were not real.

chapter three

2010-03-03T18:47:00.004-05:00

Thoughts of him were distracting, invasive. The way he quietly observed and drank in the small details she shared was unanticipated. Most people just skimmed the surface, only acknowledging the pieces of her that served them in some way. His acute witness made her feel alive, real.

the present

2010-03-02T19:11:00.001-05:00

“Life can be found only in the present moment. The past is gone, the future is not yet here, and if we do not go back to ourselves in the present moment, we cannot be in touch with life.”

chapter two

2010-02-23T21:36:00.005-05:00

Logic insisted she be relieved when he left. How did he find her? It was dangerous that he even came that close. Sense fled as her growing need to be known, even by this stranger, took up too much space to accommodate reason.

the river

2010-02-22T22:02:00.002-05:00

Explored down by the CT River today. It felt like Spring and I felt a sense of renewal and hope.

chapter one

2010-02-20T14:01:00.005-05:00

Absorbed in her surroundings until he came...nothing external made her turn. Her body twisted with unconscious instinct...a knowing all its own. The car door was open and he paced nearby...his shoe scuffing the ground, lost in indecision. When he realized she noticed him, his body almost imperceptibly leaned in her direction.

the power of one

2010-02-17T20:59:00.003-05:00

it only takes one seed

so make your choices wisely

Happy V Day

2010-02-14T21:04:00.002-05:00

irony

2010-02-13T09:03:00.002-05:00

I saw this giant truck with a dribble of snow in front of it in a parking lot the day before we were supposed to get the Ginormous snowstorm here in CT. It cracked me up. While I know this isn't a snow plow, I find it a wonderfully humorous symbol of the dud of a storm we did get. The benefit for me was that most everyone stayed home because of the hype...so my commute to and from work was almost enjoyable with the roads to myself.

tree striptease

2010-02-09T07:08:00.001-05:00

i caught this sassy tree shamelessly flirting with one down the lane

Mural in South Windsor

2010-02-07T15:06:00.007-05:00

I found this colorful mural on the side of a school building in South Windsor, CT. Art is everywhere when you look for it.

February 6, 2010

2010-02-06T11:47:00.000-05:00

which way should i go?

more project 365! cast offs

2010-02-03T19:11:00.010-05:00

Today was another gloomy one, but I managed to hunt the sun down for just a minute.

It's amazing how much my mood shifted with just a little sunlight...

I drove to a local park looking for interesting things...and liked the lines on the side of this building...

...and the colors of this swing set against the snow and the pavement...

...simple things bring such pleasure.

(my) Project 365!

2010-02-02T20:34:00.007-05:00

So, I joined Flickr about a week ago and immediately decided to dive into a group called Project 365! The requirements are that you take and post a new photo every day. Challenging this will be, but a good way for a new photographer to stretch her wings. Since joining the RedBubble community I find myself playing around with adding layers and textures to my photos via PS Elements 5.0. I think the advantage of doing this Project 365! will be that I won't have time to do anything but shoot and post, so my raw photography skills will have to improve. I hope. These photos are some of the extras from today's quest for my photo of the day, (the middle one with an obvious texture over it - though the purple really was that grape ape deep, dark color). I took a drive on my lunch hour and hoped to bump into something... The only guideline is that we showcase the world around us - without emphasis on portraits/people. The "encourage creativity" one is very appropriate, don't you think?

open

2010-02-01T19:54:00.005-05:00

I am having the experience that the more I create,

the more ravenous I am to create.

As I allow life's energy to flow through me and guide me,

to use me -

I am aware of an urgent need to be part of the pulse,

the life blood that nourishes.

It feels that the choice is to continue to let there be 'less of me'

and allow room for the creator to work through me,

Or to never be satisfied with my life's work.

Each time I let a new creation come through me there is excitement and joy,

peace,

often followed by a deep sadness, longing, a tear.

I think I've blocked the creative process for so long because to let the "good" in means also granting passage to the "bad".

Shutting down allowed me to detach from the pain of my life,

but it put a wall up to the good as well.

This artistic process,

allowing myself to be used by the creator,

is freeing me.

three

2010-01-30T14:54:00.006-05:00

another example of the moods you can create with ps elements

fall leaves in winter

2010-01-29T23:50:00.002-05:00

it snowed today

2010-01-28T20:04:00.000-05:00

and my mind was at peace with the colorless sky

january 26, 2010

2010-01-26T19:26:00.003-05:00

As long as we are alive there is the opportunity to learn from our mistakes and try again.

growth requires movement

2010-01-25T17:32:00.004-05:00

Will you get on the road set out before you? Without knowing the outcome? Without trying to preserve what you think you have now? Without care to the cost? Or will you just keep walking beside it?

"It's OK to be uncomfortable. If you are comfortable all the time, no growth is happening..." ~ wide wale ~

january 23, 2010

2010-01-23T18:38:00.006-05:00

I pulled over on the way home today to watch the sunset. I found myself distracted by the silhouetted trees against the dusk light and blue sky. Moments like these are the "stuff" of life for me. Everything else just melts away and I feel energized by the natural beauty that surrounds us.

(un)still life

2010-01-22T19:00:00.002-05:00

no matter how peaceful we may try to keep our own lives

the vibrations of others will eventually touch us

and cause us to be changed forever

everyday hero

2010-01-21T21:31:00.001-05:00

rachel's "faj" rushed over with a printer to replace the one that wasn't working. we say 'i love you' in many small ways.

be mine

2010-01-19T12:27:00.003-05:00

Cheesy self promotion plug:

I now have some Valentine's Day Cards available at RedBubble.

Go check them out...please.
(This is my first try at creating something for a specific purpose.)

solitude on ice - an abstract

2010-01-17T12:25:00.002-05:00

he knew something about the peace of just being

light and shadow

2010-01-14T20:44:00.004-05:00

shadows cannot exist without light to reveal them

character cannot exist without trials to shape it

snow on stump in snow

2010-01-13T20:42:00.002-05:00

january 12, 2010

2010-01-12T22:29:00.007-05:00

even though there are miles between us

the friendship sustains because

its roots were firmly planted in love

whose ties cannot be broken

January 11, 2010

2010-01-11T20:52:00.002-05:00

My father's girlfriend's oldest son was home on leave recently. One night when we were all hanging out he and I sat for a while chatting and looking at the pictures I've posted on RedBubble and some I just had on my laptop... I tried to point out all the ones I thought I could be proud of...sunsets and really cool landscapes...artistic junk...but it was this one that he yelled STOP at! ??? LOL Of all the things I'd done...the one that drew his interest the most was a random photo of some Halloween dummies. It humbled me. I often think I need to make things grandiose to increase their value...but it was the common...the every day, that caused him to perk up.

beginnings

2010-01-09T21:11:00.007-05:00

Gratefulness

"If the angel

deigns to come

it will be because

you have convinced

her, not by tears

but by your humble

resolve to be always

beginning; to be

a beginner."

~Rainer Maria Rilke~

january 5, 2010

2010-01-05T20:53:00.002-05:00

"Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished.

If you're alive, it isn't."

~Richard Bach~

january 4, 2010

2010-01-04T22:31:00.005-05:00

I processed this picture tonight while watching a movie...so that I wouldn't feel lazy. How telling is that of the sad influence of our fast paced society... Clearly the muted hughes and foggy portrayal of days gone by was my subconscious telling me to chill.

winter postcard

2010-01-03T21:09:00.002-05:00

Hot chocolate.

Snow in my boots.

Wool mittens pretty to look at itch my skin.

Cold, fresh air clears my head.

the process

2010-01-02T13:22:00.009-05:00

This post is in response to questions from several friends about what you can do in the digital age of photography. I have a copy of Photoshop Elements 5.0 and sometimes use it to enhance a photo to help the viewer see what I felt when I took the picture. Here is a process I used on this image.

This is the original photo. I used a Nikon d90 with a Nikkor VR 18-105mm lens, handheld. I was set on manual mode and the following; F-stop f/16, exposure time 1/80 sec, ISO speed 200, focal length 18mm. I tried to underexpose this as I am new at taking pictures in the snow and wasn't sure how they might be washed out. In Photoshop Elements 5.0 I did the following;

To correct the exposure I selected the Quick Fix Tab and next to Smart Fix hit the Auto button.

Next I selected the Full Edit tab. Under the Special Effects section and Layer Styles I picked Color Burn - and then selected Normal for the Mode and 50% for the Opacity. I wanted the red to stand out as much as it did to my human eye. It was this bright red against the white snow that caused me to pull over and take the picture in the first place.

Next I wanted to darken the corners of the photo so that your eye would be drawn into the picture more. I also just plain like the vignette and think it creates more mood. Under Filter on the top of the page I selected Correct Camera Distortion....under Vignette and Amount I changed the amount to -35 and then hit OK.

I wanted to add a texture to the image to add shadows of another color and create more depth so I opened this image of a blue texture which was used compliments of this group.

Next step was to copy and paste the blue texture on top of the original image and resize it. To resize I went to Image at the top of the page - then picked Resize and Scale. The copy and paste process created a new layer which I could then adjust. I choose Color Dodge with an Opacity of 60%.

Finally I did some adjustments on lighting and color - which I think are more noticeable when viewing the image large. On the tabs at the top of the page I chose Enhance - then Adjust Lighting - then Brightness/Contrast and adjusted the Brightness to -11 and the Contrast to +7. Once again I picked Enhance - then Adjust Color - then Adjust Color Curves. I picked Lighten Shadows....and was done.

Now you try. =)

new year

2010-01-01T19:54:00.003-05:00

The sound of the birds flying overhead was silence.

happy new year

2009-12-31T18:50:00.003-05:00

This year instead of making resolutions to loose 500 pounds, make 1 million dollars, run a marathon and fall in love...I choose to make a vow to see what already is with new eyes. I keep coming up against a wall that tells me...nothing is wrong with you or your life outside of the way you are seeing it...you are blessed... So, I choose to wake up in the morning...look outside my window...and take in all that is good, already.

we are each other's angels

2009-12-27T14:26:00.004-05:00

Encouragement always comes when I least expect it...and often from people I don't even know. This past week, as I've been slacking on taking pictures and learning more about photography, I've received lots of gentle nudges. Gifts - such as a tripod and a camera bag, and emails from people I've never met telling me how much they like my work and that I should get it out there more. These words of support always seem divinely timed to me...too well planned to be random or chance. They always come when I am feeling vulnerable or insecure. It has to be more than serendipity.

(click the title link to hear the song)

the future is becoming more clear...or, less fuzzy

2009-12-20T10:16:00.006-05:00

I've been stuck and receiving verbal lashings from Charity, my "hold me accountable" friend. Whenever I get inspired about something - and think it might be a key to my future or purpose in life, I call Charity and regurgitate it to her...and then ask her to help me explore it - not let me forget it - and not let me off the hook about it. Fortunately, but also irritatingly to me - Charity has a mind for details and has chosen to actually believe me when I say to her, "I want people in my life who will not let me play small and who will painstakingly ignore me when I claim I can't do something...". She has also chosen to believe that the things I share with her as fantasy ideas...such as..."I think I'll be a writer, a photographer, a chef...and I'll open a community center..." are real and concrete possibilities. I've forgotten to memo her that I take myself ridiculously unseriously and never fathomed that someone else would actually think I could accomplish any of these things. Recently my voicemail from Charity have been to discuss her opinion that I am cheating myself by not writing more...not posting more...not exploring more. So, sigh - this one is for you my friend. Look - there are loads of words and a photo...a step forward. I've given myself permission to just write this without having purpose or perfection in mind. Write to write...because it frees me and moves me and opens me to allow new things to flow through me. Turns out that in the process of getting myself to post even this paragraph I've had another desire present itself to me. Movement in any direction allows new energy to flow in. I think I'd like to go to school for art therapy. Getting there seems impossible - but I see the colors and the light around the corner. Don't let me forget.

no title

2009-12-14T21:51:00.001-05:00

maine light

2009-12-09T19:39:00.000-05:00

embrace the road before you

2009-12-07T20:02:00.005-05:00

"Don't surrender your loneliness

So quickly.

Let it cut more deep.

Let it ferment and season you

As few human

Or even divine ingredients can.

Something missing in my heart tonight

Has made my eyes so soft,

My voice

So tender,

My need of God

Absolutely

Clear."

~Hafiz

in need of patience

2009-12-02T19:16:00.004-05:00

When I get to Heaven I'm pretty sure the first thing God will say to me is, "Can I have your license and registration please." Then he might want to have a talk with me about how swearing like a demon possessed woman and driving up the butt of the person ahead of me in traffic was not a very spiritual or neighborly thing to do. Maybe he'll remind me that he places things like horribly bad drivers in our lives to teach us patience and tolerance. I'll try to play it off like it was just that one time, but I'm pretty sure this dog will be up in heaven too...and that he will continue to give me deploring looks like he did that day after I slammed on my breaks next to him. Then he will rat me out to God and suggest that for eternity I should have to get around by segway rather than the 1969, cherry red Mustang convertible that I'm hoping is waiting for me.

ninja tree

2009-11-30T19:32:00.002-05:00

I could not get my eyes off this tree. It made me laugh. All its little knobby appendages seemed to me arms and legs and secret ninja weapons. It was standing peacefully amongst all the smooth trees...but also on guard.

sit with it

2009-11-27T18:23:00.003-05:00

I read in a book recently - and this is a paraphrase as I don't own the book - that it's quite likely that when we experience great resistance to ideas we have and things we want to do....the resistance may be a signal that there is much positive to gain by doing said thing. Many of us give up at the first sign of anything coming against the journey we are about to begin. This is true for me - big time. The Bonnie Hunt Show was on in the background as I got ready to leave this morning. She read a passage from a book that urged the reader to do anything at all today towards that "thing" they've been avoiding. There is something that I've been wanting to learn for a while. I keep putting it off because I am a slow learner and it seemed too hard and I couldn't get myself to concentrate. Bolstered by advice from the two different sources I took the hint that today was the day. I drove to a local Panera - ordered lunch;ate lunch;balanced my checkbook;sent some text messages;listened to music on my Zune;sat and stared at all the people around me. I'd made a decision that there was no other option but for me to do this today, so I just sat and sat while on the inside the resistance had a temper tantrum. Then, when it settled down, I took out what I'd brought and did my best to take the information in and apply it, one moment at a time. On my drive home I realized I felt lighter, excited, relieved, peaceful, powerful. There indeed was much to be gained by diving into this thing I'd been avoiding and resisting. Now that I am no longer fighting with the resistance I've freed myself up to take more in. I can't wait to see what happens next.

thoughts

2009-11-25T20:25:00.004-05:00

I miss:

Living in CA and taking for granted walking on the beach every night, watching the sunset and hoping to spy a dolphin...

Being annoyed with Charity as she chatted during our entire hour and a half trek to Whidbey Island to take the ferry to Port Townsend to go to massage school...i am not a morning person...i could not understand why she wanted to talk in the morning...also, i am from the east coast and did not understand why she was being so nice, i thought she had something up her sleeve...now that she's 3000 miles away i'd be willing to put up with a little chatting

I like:

Pasta that is cooked el dente...if it is mushy just feed it to a baby or an old man who has lost all his teeth...but don't give it to me...i am Italian...i want my pasta to bite back when i sink my teeth into it...

Rainy days...because then i don't feel guilty if i want to read a book all day or never get out of my pj's...i like them better when someone spends them with me...also in their pj's...and possibly including building a fort in the living room...and then watching movies through a hole in the fort...

Safety is:

Hearing a mourning dove make it's call...

Music with a soulful or bluesy voice...like Mark Broussard, Amos Lee or Diana Krall...but mostly any music...unless it's hair band 80's music...that's good for other things...

I hope:

To meet the man God created for me...and to fall in love...and get married...and build a life together...i also hope there is such a man...

To accomplish something that has meaning before i die...something that is beyond myself and that requires great efforts of a community of people to achieve...and that leaves a positive impact in the world...and that can't happen unless there is a power greater than the sum of us helping us...

I am grateful for:

Friends & Family who give me more grace than i deserve...and love me more than i know how to take in...

Laughter...the silent laughter that cuts off your breathing and causes great tears to roll down your cheeks because it needs to escape somehow...the kind that embarrasses whoever you're with because it's loud and boisterous and draws attention...the deep, hearty chuckle...the kind that makes you fall off your chair and pee your pants a little bit...i love it all

letting go

2009-11-23T20:15:00.003-05:00

I decided I'd done enough for the day. I lit some candles and curled up with a bowl of chicken soup and a couple of old books to peruse. Everything I need to do will still be there tomorrow.

we all want to be heard

2009-11-22T18:48:00.003-05:00

While the galette was baking I sat down to knit some more of the bulletin board. The women who peppered my day floated into my thoughts. The one who sat to the left of me at a church I tried this morning who smiled shyly and patted an empty seat for me, squeaking out "comfortable". She looked worn and tired and seemed pleased to have somebody sitting by her side, even a stranger. To the right a woman who would not sit still. She seemed to be having a leg cramp and made painful noises as she wiggled in her seat and looked at me. I thought she just needed some attention. Not having anything scheduled, I meandered through my day - grocery shopping and doing errands slowly....which caused me to pay attention more to those around me. At Walgreen's, the Indian woman who developed my pictures beamed over one saying it looked just like a painting and that she loved the sun and the shadows. In my normal rush I would have said thank you and parted....today I took a pause and asked her if she painted. She said she was putting together an art show, she had 15 paintings done so far and that they were religious paintings of people...they were hard to find and therefore valuable. She had much hope in a future where she could paint all day. When I left she seemed more relaxed, her smile was radiant. I think it mattered that somebody saw "her" - not just a clerk behind a counter. At Stop & Shop the woman bagging my groceries looked to be past retirement age. She asked me if I was ready for the holiday....and with a little encouragement told me that she was having everyone to her house...38 people. Her eldest is now 18, so she can no longer pass people off to the kids table. She was excited to be able to cook for her family again...but was perplexed about where to seat them all. I think that sometimes we are all just waiting to be heard. We want someone to witness our lives...to know that we exist. We want to matter.

p.s. the galette....very interesting

seasons

2009-11-22T07:26:00.002-05:00

As the mornings grow colder, I dream of spring.

shadows of possibility that was

2009-11-21T19:49:00.003-05:00

Is "use it or lose it" an absolute, or does a remnant of potential always remain?

dream a little dream

2009-11-20T20:51:00.007-05:00

I said no and felt relieved. Being true to myself frees up time to create the things I do want.

(view finder layer compliments of vin60)

then there were four

2009-11-19T20:43:00.001-05:00

(rose view finder compliments of vin60)

gratitude

2009-11-18T07:30:00.001-05:00

The way I think can always use a little tweaking. There is rarely a moment when I am so full of gratitude that I would absolutely spill over and make a soupy, sticky, positive mess of all the people around me. . . . and really, I think my life would be better if that were the case. Too often, for example, I find myself focusing on the incessant, nerve grating car noise outside my bedroom window rather than on the fact that I have a bedroom, and a window...and a bed...and ears that work...and the option to put in ear plugs...or to just get up and go outside and take a walk...because I have legs...and they work too. Gratitude. When I can't change the world around me, or - mostly - the people...I can choose to change the way I look at it....or them.

i want someone to...

2009-11-17T18:22:00.007-05:00

...have dinner with. I would tell you that today I read Donald Miller's Blog and that I find him interesting and funny and that he makes me think and that we should probably be friends because he makes me laugh and he wrote that he has a big kitchen that he never uses and I know I'd make good use of it. And I'd add that I found it really cool that he got to have a meal with Anne Lamott because even though I find her quirky and sometimes too liberal even for me, when I read her books I feel human, and alive, and much, much closer to God and I think she is a kindred spirit. I'd ask you how your day was, what made you pause...was there anything I can help you with. I'd ask you to hold my hand and let me know that everything is alright, that I don't have to prove my worth and it's OK to just BE. I'd tell you that Nancy said she was going to send the journal and that she is going on another trip to Europe and that when she said she missed me, my heart ached. I'd tell you Bethany called to say she was pregnant and that her and Jason might move to the East Coast again...and that I held onto that hope. I'd tell you that the sound of Amy's voice on the phone today felt like safety and that I wish she and Scott weren't so, so far away. You'd listen, knowing that things just are what they are...that it's hard to have the ones who mean the most to you be the ones who are so far away...and you'd know not to fix it, but to just sit with me - because sometimes all we need is to be understood.

the simple things

2009-11-16T20:24:00.003-05:00

Leaning over the counter, elbows partway in the sink, we observed the happenings in the yard through the warmth of the sun drenched window. He said he was not ready for winter this year. The squirrel broke open each nut, seemed to lick it, then buried it in the lawn. One by one, measured persistence. He was amazed by them. How could they remember, in the middle of winter, where they'd left their treasure? It's part of nature, I said, to find our way home...against all odds.

the wood song

2009-11-15T18:42:00.006-05:00

I thought of you today. I told myself I was grumpy and cantankerous because people don't know how to drive and I have 7 loads of laundry to do...and that darn squirrel would not cooperate for his portrait.

Once I settled into myself and shed the inevitable tear, the peace I know to be truth settled itself into my heart, took up residence in my mind and spoke soft whispers of hope to my soul.

People live on in our hearts. Sometimes absence allows for a deeper knowing, a different perspective.

perspective

2009-11-11T07:28:00.002-05:00

I had to remember that the way I view the world is not the only way - or the right way. My thoughts and beliefs are based on MY life experience – they are not necessarily truth. It’s important to look up, out of my own world, in order to keep perspective and try to understand somebody else.

(view finder compliments of vin60)

yum. enough said.

2009-11-09T20:05:00.007-05:00

I mean to brag! I just made the best tasting chili I've had in a long time. I have to share this recipe - it would just be wrong not to. This wimpy china bowl does not do it justice, nor does this picture - this is hands down a prize winning, man satisfying chili!

I found two recipes online that looked good - one was with meat, the other was a three bean - so I just combined them the best I could. I never follow a recipe exactly so I'm going to guesstimate what I used. Go with the flow and I'm sure yours will rock too.

olive oil to almost cover bottom of large pot
4 cloves garlic, minced
2 medium onions, chopped
1 pound ground turkey (i used all natural, no hormones, etc)
some salt
some freshly ground black pepper
1 green bell pepper, chopped
1 red bell pepper, chopped
1 large jalapeno pepper, seeded and chopped
1 bottle of Sam Adams October Fest beer (minus the test gulps)
1 160z* can dark red kidney beans (not drained)
1 160z* can black beans (not drained)
2 160z* cans diced tomatoes (with chiles ?)
5 tablespoons chili powder
some garlic salt
1 teaspoon hot pepper sauce
2 tablespoons ground cumin
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1 16oz* can refried beans
* whatever is closest to 160z

Cook the garlic, onions and ground turkey in the olive oil on medium heat. Add salt and pepper, break meat up with spatula and cook 'til browned. Throw in the red, green and jalapeno peppers and cook for a minute. Add the beer and stir. I turned up to medium high at this point. Allow to cook while you open your diced tomatoes, kidney beans and black beans - then chuck them all in. Cook for a few minutes. Next add your spices; chili powder, garlic salt, hot pepper sauce, cumin and Worcestershire sauce. Cook five minutes longer then add the refried beans to thicken. Taste test and add more spices if desired. As is usual, the recipes suggested serving with cheddar cheese, scallions or sour cream. I found this so, SO good that I just ate it as is. ENJOY!!!

feed me

2009-11-08T17:21:00.000-05:00

even the most mundane things have beauty

cannoli fake-out

2009-11-07T11:38:00.002-05:00

Cannoli soldiers awaiting the arrival of today's 'stitch-n-bitch' guests. One got out of line and had to be taken prisoner. Quite delicious.

sissy's stool

2009-11-06T22:49:00.001-05:00

It was interesting to get the history of the building. We were surprised at how big it was behind the scenes. She may have been sewing a tale or two but she treated us to a smile and a little conversation. The beer was cheap.

new music

2009-11-06T10:35:00.002-05:00

Messing about on playlist.com this morning I came across a band I've never heard before. They were influenced by U2, Van Morrison and The Police - so I had to have a listen. Also - they like Guinness and believe that the Irish have soul - just like the dude in one of my favorite movies, The Commitments, does. Check out The Script.

out my window sunday evening

2009-11-05T07:25:00.002-05:00

Forgetfulness

"The name of the author is the first to go followed obediently by the title, the plot, the heartbreaking conclusion, the entire novel which suddenly becomes one you have never read, never even heard of, as if, one by one, the memories you used to harbor decided to retire to the southern hemisphere of the brain, to a little fishing village where there are no phones. Long ago you kissed the names of the nine Muses goodbye and watched the quadratic equation pack its bag, and even now as you memorize the order of the planets, something else is slipping away, a state flower perhaps, the address of an uncle, the capital of Paraguay. Whatever it is you are struggling to remember, it is not poised on the tip of your tongue, not even lurking in some obscure corner of your spleen. It has floated away down a dark mythological river whose name begins with an L as far as you can recall, well on your own way to oblivion where you will join those who have even forgotten how to swim and how to ride a bicycle. No wonder you rise in the middle of the night to look up the date of a famous battle in a book on war. No wonder the moon in the window seems to have drifted out of a love poem that you used to know by heart."

by, Billy Collins

on my walk today i saw...

2009-11-04T18:55:00.006-05:00

texture

light

color

fall

(view finder compliments of vin60)

harry hippie

2009-11-04T00:01:00.002-05:00

His voice is a balm for my cantankerous soul.
For your listening pleasure click below.

Marc Broussard

out my window sunday morning

2009-11-03T21:18:00.006-05:00

sunrise. a rare moment of quiet on a normally busy street. fresh air. the gift of peace on a fall morning.

light bulb

2009-11-02T19:07:00.004-05:00

I just experienced conscious knowledge of my growth.

I brought my first “Color” magazine to work today – in fact, it is the first one period, the premiere issue. My intentions were to rip a few pages out and hang them up in my cubicle to make it a little less…well, grey. I am surrounded by grey. I had in mind the pages I wanted to pull out – the ones that had my jaw on the floor upon first view – the ones that inspired me to buy the magazine. I remember those first moments; aware that I was looking at something beautiful, that I felt alive, and that I wanted to be a part of it. I wanted to create something like that and had no clue how. Having purchased the magazine on my lunch hour I went back to the office and showed the pictures to anyone who would listen and repeated, “isn’t that cool…look how she did that…have you ever seen a process like that…”

----

They humored me.

----

As I excitedly flipped through the pages this morning I found that I wasn’t as turned on as I’d been the first time. I still admired the ones I had liked but now I was able to see that I’d begun to gain the skills to take similar pictures (present blog pictures excepted...these are just for fun). No, my quality is not near theirs, nor is my knowledge of photography or even how to use my camera…but I was no longer viewing the pages through the eyes of a complete novice and therefore the images were reflecting different information back to me.

----

This was the first moment I became consciously aware of the efforts I’ve put in to learn something about this art. I feel fresh and alive with new excitement. Aware of my growth I feel a new willingness to commit to stay on this path and to learn more. Also – now I don't have the guts to tear a page out of the magazine. It contains the history of my journey and I want to leave it intact.

new sport

2009-11-01T15:41:00.002-05:00

I spent way too much time today creating a new online dating profile. Why is it so hard? LOL I think writing the profile and going on the actual dates should be considered for a new Olympic sport. So far I haven't had too many horror stories...but certainly some interesting ones. Ugh. The things we do for love.

the berkshires

2009-10-31T18:12:00.004-04:00

I finally made it to the Berkshires in MA to take some last fall foliage pictures. As soon as I arrived it started to pour rain. I held out hope all the way to Stockbridge - with the lyrics from James Taylor's Sweet Baby James stuck in my head ("now the first of December was covered with snow...and so was the turnpike from Stockbridge to Boston...") before I gave up. I drove through the town, gave a nod to Alice's Restaurant and considered checking out the Norman Rockwell Museum before I turned back. Wanting to have accomplished something I pulled over randomly and snapped this picture...just so I could say "Tania was here".

the dentist

2009-10-30T22:42:00.003-04:00

My dentist finally figured me out.

I act like a big baby...

...so they put me in the kids room.

It made me laugh so much I insisted on taking a picture.

Such a good reminder never to take myself too seriously.

change

2009-10-29T21:40:00.003-04:00

Anne called to say that everything was working out just as they planned. While she was excited to celebrate - she also had a nervous knot in her stomach. Everything they've been working so hard for is finally becoming real...and that is scary. I totally get it. Change is hard. Sometimes it's easier to dream than to have. There is no disappointment in the fantasy.

scrabble

2009-10-28T19:55:00.003-04:00

I get my butt kicked E-V-E-R-Y time.

It's about the journey, right?

collard greens

2009-10-27T20:11:00.009-04:00

she was on the phone while i prepared the collard greens

reminding me of who i used to be

who I still am.

making me laugh.

despite the time and distance

the changes in our lives, our hearts, our bodies

she is still ann. i am still me.

we are still friends

sometimes all our friends need to do is mirror us back to our selves so that we can find the strength that still lies within despite the way things may appear.