happy new year

This year instead of making resolutions to loose 500 pounds, make 1 million dollars, run a marathon and fall in love...I choose to make a vow to see what already is with new eyes. I keep coming up against a wall that tells me...nothing is wrong with you or your life outside of the way you are seeing it...you are blessed... So, I choose to wake up in the morning...look outside my window...and take in all that is good, already.

we are each other's angels

Encouragement always comes when I least expect it...and often from people I don't even know. This past week, as I've been slacking on taking pictures and learning more about photography, I've received lots of gentle nudges. Gifts - such as a tripod and a camera bag, and emails from people I've never met telling me how much they like my work and that I should get it out there more. These words of support always seem divinely timed to me...too well planned to be random or chance. They always come when I am feeling vulnerable or insecure. It has to be more than serendipity.

(click the title link to hear the song)

the future is becoming more clear...or, less fuzzy

I've been stuck and receiving verbal lashings from Charity, my "hold me accountable" friend. Whenever I get inspired about something - and think it might be a key to my future or purpose in life, I call Charity and regurgitate it to her...and then ask her to help me explore it - not let me forget it - and not let me off the hook about it. Fortunately, but also irritatingly to me - Charity has a mind for details and has chosen to actually believe me when I say to her, "I want people in my life who will not let me play small and who will painstakingly ignore me when I claim I can't do something...". She has also chosen to believe that the things I share with her as fantasy ideas...such as..."I think I'll be a writer, a photographer, a chef...and I'll open a community center..." are real and concrete possibilities. I've forgotten to memo her that I take myself ridiculously unseriously and never fathomed that someone else would actually think I could accomplish any of these things. Recently my voicemail from Charity have been to discuss her opinion that I am cheating myself by not writing more...not posting more...not exploring more. So, sigh - this one is for you my friend. Look - there are loads of words and a photo...a step forward. I've given myself permission to just write this without having purpose or perfection in mind. Write to write...because it frees me and moves me and opens me to allow new things to flow through me. Turns out that in the process of getting myself to post even this paragraph I've had another desire present itself to me. Movement in any direction allows new energy to flow in. I think I'd like to go to school for art therapy. Getting there seems impossible - but I see the colors and the light around the corner. Don't let me forget.

no title

maine light

embrace the road before you

"Don't surrender your loneliness

So quickly.

Let it cut more deep.

-

Let it ferment and season you

As few human

Or even divine ingredients can.

-

Something missing in my heart tonight

Has made my eyes so soft,

My voice

So tender,

-

My need of God

Absolutely

Clear."

-

~Hafiz

in need of patience

When I get to Heaven I'm pretty sure the first thing God will say to me is, "Can I have your license and registration please." Then he might want to have a talk with me about how swearing like a demon possessed woman and driving up the butt of the person ahead of me in traffic was not a very spiritual or neighborly thing to do. Maybe he'll remind me that he places things like horribly bad drivers in our lives to teach us patience and tolerance. I'll try to play it off like it was just that one time, but I'm pretty sure this dog will be up in heaven too...and that he will continue to give me deploring looks like he did that day after I slammed on my breaks next to him. Then he will rat me out to God and suggest that for eternity I should have to get around by segway rather than the 1969, cherry red Mustang convertible that I'm hoping is waiting for me.