I just experienced conscious knowledge of my growth.
I brought my first “Color” magazine to work today – in fact, it is the first one period, the premiere issue. My intentions were to rip a few pages out and hang them up in my cubicle to make it a little less…well, grey. I am surrounded by grey. I had in mind the pages I wanted to pull out – the ones that had my jaw on the floor upon first view – the ones that inspired me to buy the magazine. I remember those first moments; aware that I was looking at something beautiful, that I felt alive, and that I wanted to be a part of it. I wanted to create something like that and had no clue how. Having purchased the magazine on my lunch hour I went back to the office and showed the pictures to anyone who would listen and repeated, “isn’t that cool…look how she did that…have you ever seen a process like that…”
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They humored me.
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As I excitedly flipped through the pages this morning I found that I wasn’t as turned on as I’d been the first time. I still admired the ones I had liked but now I was able to see that I’d begun to gain the skills to take similar pictures (present blog pictures excepted...these are just for fun). No, my quality is not near theirs, nor is my knowledge of photography or even how to use my camera…but I was no longer viewing the pages through the eyes of a complete novice and therefore the images were reflecting different information back to me.
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This was the first moment I became consciously aware of the efforts I’ve put in to learn something about this art. I feel fresh and alive with new excitement. Aware of my growth I feel a new willingness to commit to stay on this path and to learn more. Also – now I don't have the guts to tear a page out of the magazine. It contains the history of my journey and I want to leave it intact.
2 comments:
Ah the Grey World... It has always fascinated how people embellish this little space of theirs because it says so much about them. It's not home but in a way it is since you spend so many hours of the day there. What to do? You can only add so much of your personal touch though since some companies don't even allow a plant! Ugh... I liked your idea but am happy that you kept your magazine intact. Not only is it a reminder of how far you've come on your photographic journey but it's also empowering. I like how you’ve captured the magazine. May your knowledge but more importantly your excitement to learn more expand each day.
Asor
such blessings...thanks!!
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